Difficult Conversations

Ideas

Idea #16: Being Mindful of the Emotional Toll

"Self-soothing is a skill we need at most times in our lives, but it is particularly helpful when engaging in conversations that could get emotional and lead to differences of opinion.”1

Learning Intention

Difficult conversations can be transformational experiences, and lead to a deeper understanding of nearly any topic. These conversations, however, can also be overwhelming for participants, both mentally and physically. Being mindful of the emotional (and sometimes physical) toll they can have is critical in allowing students time to process, recuperate, and be ready to be fully present for the next session. See also: Idea #11: Discussing Traumatic Topics

Strategies For "In the Moment"1,2

  • Check in with your body: Your body will send physical signals if it is not ready for a difficult discussion. These signals may look like:

    • Fight or Flight: racing heartbeat, tension in muscles, sweaty palms

    • Parasympathetic: shutting down or zoning out, feeling lethargic, withdrawing from the situation

  • Breathe in to be calm(er): Utilize breathing exercises to help deactivate your fight or flight response. Numerous guiding videos can be found online to walk you through some basic breathing techniques.

  • Allow yourself to be uncomfortable: While it seems counterintuitive to encourage discomfort under this topic, it is important to acknowledge that the uncomfortable moments are those that lead to transformative learning.2,3 Ask yourself why a topic or statement is uncomfortable to you, and reflect on why it triggered that form of reaction.

Strategies For "Afterward"

  • Identify 2 or 3 small rituals that renew your energy:2 These rituals should be simple and easy to do. Examples include stepping outside for a few minutes to breathe in fresh air, journaling for 5 minutes at the end of the night, etc.

  • Engage in gentle exercise: By practicing gentle exercise such as yoga or taking a short walk, you are allowing your body to release the built up energy from the conversation. Exercise releases endorphins, as well as allows for the mind to process what was involved in the conversation.

  • Remember, "this too shall pass":4 Discomfort and any other negative feelings will eventually fade, and you may be left with a meaningful learning experience. At the moment this may not feel true, but, given time, it will prove to be an effective mantra to hold close.

References

  1. How to Navigate Difficult Conversations in 2020 and Beyond. (2020, November 11). Sunstone Counseling.
  2. How to Take Criticism Well. (2019, April 2). Harvard Business Review.
  3. Mindfulness Tips for Courageous Conversations about Race. (2020, June 15). White Men as Full Diversity Partners.
  4. Self-Care for Difficult Times. (2019, February 27). Mindful.