Difficult Conversations

Ideas

Idea #12: What to do in "Hot Button" moments

"When in mixed company, race talk often pushes powerful emotional hot buttons in people. The dialogue can become quite heated, evoking personal attacks..." — D.W. Sue5

Learning Intention

In university environments, people of many different backgrounds and identities are put into shared spaces. If you are having deep conversations about controversial topics, “hot button” or emotionally charged discussions and conversations are likely.

Caveats5

  • Do Something: Doing nothing or changing the subject models avoidance when talking about difficult topics such as race.

  • Do NOT attempt to appease all: When the discussion in class does not align with their worldview, some discussion participants will likely experience cognitive dissonance. Resolving this tension may not be possible in the space of a class period, nor should it. As the discussion facilitator, resist “stressing commonalities and avoiding differences.”

  • Do NOT quell the discussion: Do not stress that people should calm down and respect one another.

  • Try NOT to be defensive: This often results in students and the teacher becoming misunderstood and invalidated which makes it challenging for the discussion to move forward.

Strategies

  • Use of silence:4 Allow for a moment of silence in hot button conversations for students and yourself to mull things over. Students may also be experiencing chemical reactions in their brains that are telling them to “fight” to “win” the argument.2 By implementing a moment for reflection, students can have a moment to be able to respond more thoughtfully and express themselves appropriately

  • Use of journaling:6 Offer a moment to write down current thoughts to help clarify ideas and give a moment before proceeding.

  • Follow up:1 If a student looks visibly uncomfortable, have a conversation with them after class. Be aware that the student may not wish to discuss details with you; however, as an educator you are responsible for telling the student that you witnessed their discomfort and are willing to explore options with them.

  • Critical Reflection Framework:7 This reflective model, known as the “What? So What? Now What?” exercise, helps students and educators alike to reflect on an especially tense discussion and offers a way to wrap up the conversation constructively but not conclusively. Guide participants to focus on facts and observations, to allow for curiosity, learning from mistakes, and opportunities.

    • What? Describe what you noticed and what stood out to you.

    • So what? Try to make sense of the facts and how they affected the conversation.

    • Now what? Think about what is possible and what actions might be beneficial.

References

  1. Brookfield, S & Preskill, S. (2005). Discussion as a way of teaching: Tools and techniques for democratic classrooms. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
  2. Beare, K. (2020). Difficult Conversations: The Art and Science of Working Together. Mountain View, CA: Pop the Bubble Press.
  3. Kipp, B. (2008). What Instructors Can Do to Safely Facilitate Controversial Discussion. In K. Landis (Ed.), Start Talking: A Handbook for Engaging in Difficult Dialogues in Higher Education. Anchorage, AK: University of Alaska and Alaska Pacific University.
  4. Landis, K. (2008). Start Talking: A Handbook for Engaging in Difficult Dialogues in Higher Education. Anchorage, AK: University of Alaska and Alaska Pacific University.
  5. Sue, D.W. (2015). Race Talk and the Conspiracy of Silence. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley and Sons, Inc.
  6. Tolentino, H. (2014). Race: Some Teachable—and Uncomfortable—Moments. In W. Au (Ed.), Rethinking Multicultural Education: Teaching for Racial and Cultural Justice (2nd Ed.), (pp. 297-305). Milwaukie, WI: Rethinking Schools, Ltd.
  7. Razzetti, G. (2019). What? So What? Now What? Fearless Culture.